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Meditating to Wholeness

 

How many times have you strived for something or tried to prove to yourself that you could do something, only to find that you already were perfect whole and complete as you were? For example, starving yourself to be the perfect weight, dressing the part of a new corporate job but never really feeling comfortable in the clothes, smiling when all you really want to do is cry!  Guess what? Who you are is enough….you are perfect in essence and all you have to be is you! Isn’t that a relief?…! Your very existence is all you need!

 

When I decided to take the venture up to central California for the meditation retreat, I was determined to reconnect with my soul, to feel the love, joy and peace within again. I had a funny feeling about leaving everything behind in the “real world”…it made me feel a little uneasy to be flying down the freeway at 80 miles an hour and leave everything behind. I had to let go and trust that my spirit was guiding me there.

Once I arrived to the meditation center, it was already dark. Dinner was served in the dining hall and guidelines for our stay were given. We were to maintain the rule of “Noble Silence” meaning no verbal communication.  There was to be no physical contact with anyone, no looking at the opposite sex, or were to stay on the premise during the entire program.  We handed our personal cell phones and car keys to the group managers, just to ensure we would not be tempted to leave! The only key I had left was my commitment to finishing the 10-day retreat and unlocking the door to my heart again.

 

Instructions were given to come to all group meditation and meal sittings on time, no exceptions! There were only two meals served for new students, breakfast and lunch. Dinner consisted of fruit and tea. Our dorm buildings were small mobile houses converted into dorms. The beds were about five feet from each other with hanging sheets to divide the personal spaces. Up close and personal to say the least!   Well, I was in for an experience I knew. I did not know what the next day would bring, but somehow I trusted it would all be good….

Rise and shine!  Four-thirty in the morning came much to early.  We were scheduled to start our first meditation sit before the sun even rose. “Funny joke.” I thought to myself! I had been moving the day before and feeling worn down from the drive I didn’t even glance at the clock. It wasn’t until six -thirty that my body woke me up just in time for breakfast! The air was crisp and fresh, I could see my breath as a white cloud in the early morning air. I bounded down the dirt path, eager for something warm to fill my empty stomach. 
 
Following breakfast, I quickly walked back up to the dorms in hopes of a warm shower.  Gathering my towel and toiletries, I headed back to the showers.  I turned the faucet on, I let it run for a few minutes, it was cold! “Hum, maybe someone else is taking a shower’ I thought, or maybe the hot water heater is just slow… I let it run for a few more minutes.  “Still freezing cold… Ahhh, just my luck! The pretty little princess inside me was starting to get quite annoyed! Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this meditation business after all!” I huffed back to my mattress bed and fell asleep until the morning bells woke me up for the first group meditation sit of the day. 

The meditation hall was full of pillows lined up in single-fill rows. We all sat there in silence. It was all I could do to sit still without bursting into a roar of laughter! I had utmost respect for the tradition; I just was having a hard time conforming to the rules! I mean, I could hear the person next to me and across the room breathing, burping, crying or even farting…wow, I thought to myself this is going to be funny!  

 

The basis of the Vipasana meditation practice was to become aware of your breath, observe your thoughts and emotions as they passed through your consciousness. The assistant teachers and S.N. Goeka’s voice from the recording guided us into a state of stillness through a series of chants and instructions.  We sat with our legs crossed as we brought our energy in. I was very committed to my decision to fully participate, but all I could think about was if I had paid all my bills before leaving, returned phone calls, what I would do when I left…everything other than the present moment! I wanted to run, move and at least express myself through some form of verbal communication!  Ahhh, I took a breath and surrendered to what was. Here I was I thought, minds well give it a chance!

 

It was amazing, when I finally surrendered to my feelings, things got better. I would go through moments of excruciating pain, but after a few breathes and subtle movements (about an inch!), they became tolerable. I stopped hiding the painful thoughts and emotions that had blocked and inhibited me for so long. I felt them. Once I allowed them to be present, they passed quickly leaving me with feelings of lightness, freedom and joy. I began to fall in love with the energy inside me again- reconnecting with the essence of life, my soul and those around me. It was pure love, nothing attached, nothing lost, it was forever present and unconditional. Wow, it felt good to be home again in my body. When I experienced pain rather than resisting it, I accepted it as part of life. I was working through a “sancra” as my teachers put it. In other words I was clearing an old unconscious pattern of negativity held in my mind which had manifested as pain in my body.

 

Every day I felt a little bit better. By the first part of the third day I began to feel tingling sensations in my body…Ahh, sweet release. I felt like Spirit had wrapped her/his arms around the earth and given me a rain of blessing.  Showered in love, I felt the light of pure consciousness enter the cells of my body. Vitality and life force flowed. Never in my life had I given myself permission to just sit and BE!

  

It was immensely entertaining to observe my mind and see both past and future lives. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be using the experience as entertainment but I found it fascinating that I was able to tap into other dimensions of consciousness!

 

Every day I had a different experience. I realized that by doing nothing I was still connected to everything! I could be, become, and feel anything I wanted! The love inside me was re-awakened and stillness made all the difference in my quest for more self-discovery. I had always appreciated my intuitive ability to feel the energy of everyone else around me and the environment, but to really get real with myself was a whole-nother story! 

 

Taking the time to get back to the basics and calm my restless mind in the peacefulness of a meditation retreat was an invaluable experience. When I first started my professional practice at age 19, I had lived for my meditations. Over the past few years I realized that I had slipped and missed many precious moments of intimacy with my soul. Meditation continues to serve me and my practice on a daily basis. I recommend that everyone starts a practice of meditation to ease into the gracefulness and flow of life, to feel the oneness of love, and experience the vastness of our souls.

 

Meditation calms the mind and has proven to help relieve anxiety, increase concentration and provide a more balanced state of mind. I have written a guided meditation CD to assist in the process of developing a meditation practice. It is especially helpful if you are just starting to meditate and also serves in addition to any other meditation practice. You can order online by clicking on the Featured Products of this website.

 

For more information about the Vipasana meditation center, please visit: www.dhamma.org. I am also happy to answer any questions you may have about this facility!

 

Happy meditating!

Love, Abby

 

* Website by Cy Pilkington, Business Coach and Manager Life Force Connection
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